Star-Crossed Blessings: Childproof Your Relationship

"It takes a happy parent to raise a happy baby!"

Ninety percent of married couples report their satisfaction in their relationship declines once they have their first baby! "Having children is like relationship bootcamp," says Ian Kerner, a sex and relationship counselor and author. "Despite what other parents have experienced with their children, you don't have any idea what's really in store for you until you've lived it." Although you can't truly understand what it's like to be a parent until you become one, you can take steps to keep your future offspring from hurting your relationship now. In fact, when you have a strong relationship, sharing a baby can sometimes bring you closer together.

Preparing our relationship for children is a huge deal for my husband and I. We have seen first hand how a baby can strain a relationship and know that it will definitely affect ours. Our first 6 months of marriage were very rough, yet it helped us single out our strengths and weaknesses and helped us form a base on which to construct.

Below I attached some links of articles that greatly helped guide me in working on my role of a wife in our relationship (along with lots of prayer and a strong relationship first and foremost with the Lord). These links are not magic, but they were a great tool when I was in need, lost and desperate for guidance. I can't stress the importance of a monthly or regular meeting with your pastor or christian psychologist to lead and be accountable to. You shouldn't just go to any psychologist; a Christian counselor / psychologist will guide a couple with the Bible; which automatically stress the authority of God.

Sex and Intimacy have a lot to do with the strength in a relationship. As my wedding day drew closer many (and I mean MANY) wise women with several years of marriage under their belts advised me never to deny my husband in the marriage bed. While continuing in counseling, my paster even reaffirmed their advise. Even though there were plenty of times that I didn't feel like it, or I was uncomfortable or upset with him; I only denied him a hand full of times in our first year of marriage. Doing so didn't solve some problems, but it sure did avoid many frustrations and kept us united.

Even though you're getting ready to spend plenty of time baby-making, studies suggest that less than one in four couples are satisfied with their post-baby sex lives. After Baby arrives, you'll have plenty of reasons not to have sex (tired, achy, busy), but you have a much better reason to have sex: Without frequent sex, your brain's levels of oxytocin (the so-called "feel-good" hormone) can drop, making you feel emotionally disconnected from your partner. So make sure you have a healthy sex life pre-baby, and don't be afraid to discuss what may come post-pregnancy.

If you're worried about not feeling sexy after going through labor and delivery, experts say that just touching, cuddling, and kissing will help you feel close again. You may not end up having sex, but you have to be intimate in one way or another. You kind of have to put your body through the motions and trust that mind will follow.

A few kind words, a helping hand, or even just a text can go a long way toward making you both feel valued. And you don't have to wait until you become parents to say "thank you" to each other; get in the habit now.

It can be very exciting to work on strengthening your relationship! Take it as a fun challenge and even reward yourself after a good week. Become a team, remove all selfish desires and build the foundation for a lifetime! Remember twenty years goes by in the blink of an eye and soon you will be left alone in an empty nest with either your best friend or a virtual stranger!