THE FOLLOWING IS MY LAST ENTRY INTO A VIRTUAL DIARY THAT I KEPT IN 2011

(when I was a naive & innocent girl in every sense of the word not knowing that the choice I was going to make would change my life forever)  

I have always believed that a kiss is extremely special and should not be given away so easily.  This weekend helped me understand that in a way more profoundly than I ever felt before.

      So I met this guy.  I wasn't expecting it.  He's the perfect example of the "bad boy" with the heart of an angel.  Yet he barely met my "3 Requierments."  Yes he is a Christian, but he isn't faithful, He's barely a couple inches taller than me, and he doesn't have a job that combined with the previous two lost a bit of my respect.  But for the first time in my life the last two don't mean that much to me.  Yet his lifestyle is so wrong in so many ways and that scares me.

     Everyone, and I mean everyone, has told me to give him a chance.  That he is a really good guy, that not only does he have the looks, the body, but the family too.  He had been after me for months but I resisted and held firm to the rules that had protected me from heart brake. So when I finally did give him a chance, my walls went crashing down and KABOOM!!!   He set me and my world on fire!  I have never met someone who balanced yet mirrored/contrasted me so intensely!  I mean intense in every sense of the word!

    But everything is against us.  His past, his present, my future, my reputation.  With brutal humble honesty, declared how much he admired and desired me.  How he would never dare or risk hurting me.  I had to make him stop! His charm, honesty, and sensuality were too much!  Then he warned me how things weren't going to be easy or smooth with him, but that he desperately wanted to make things work out.

    Our attraction is so potent and at times overwhelming.  But I refuse to make the same mistakes that I have in the past and cross the boundries that the Lord has set for me.  He says that he wants to change and commit, but in his case its not going to be an easy road for there's soooo much he has to sacrifice.  Even though he is honestly desires to change, he isn't doing much to even try.

    So to be with him I will have to sacrifice some of my core principles and even though I'm tempted, I refuse to do so.  I will have to walk away from the man that I have waited so long for.  He is attentive, he caresses you with compliments, he's observant, surprisingly smart, I could go on.

    I also feel as if the Lord has sent this ideal man with mayor flaws.  I have devised a plan that might give us a chance.  It will give us the opportunity to bond and grow and it just might be the answer that were looking for.  Only God knows.