The Next BIG Question

My husband and I with our nephew

When I got back from our honeymoon I expected people to ask us about our trip and how it felt to be married; I even expect them to share a few sentimental memories of our wedding.  What I didn't expect was to be bombarded with questions about when we were planning to look for a "little one."  These questions shocked and  overwhelmed me as I struggled just to  adjust to married life!  Sharing a life, schedule and apartment with someone, no matter how well you know each other can be a huge adjustment; as it was for me.  Lots of arguments over bathroom habits, frustration over miscommunication, and adapting to planning your life around someone else. It takes time, patience, love and dedication to conquer these marriage growth pains.   

Another thing that I didn't expect was that after spending every free moment I had planning an intricate wedding then detailing and constructing our first home; that I would feel a tremendous emptiness when all was left and done! Sure there were wedding videos to edit, albums to be made, and details of the apartment to be perfected; not to mention enjoying falling asleep and waking up in my best friend's arms! Yet I wasn't used to this sudden calm and peace of the blessing of living a normal newlywed life!  

My mind was accustomed to a strict routine of planning my life and events; so naturally I fell into the trap of wondering when it was that we would plan to procreate!  Luckily, (before I scared my new husband with crazy baby talk) I realized fast enough that I needed to enjoy each stage in my life and make the most of our newly-wed stage before the burden and responsibilities of children would undoubtedly arise! That new determination didn't stop the swarms of people who continued to ask the baby question, but it did give me a greater peace.  

I was fine for a little while until they came at me from a different direction!  After informing these curious minds that my husband and I were focusing on making the most of our marriage for the time being, they became even more concerned and reminded me that I was well into my late twenties.  They pressured me by stating that we should then consider only having one or two children at the most because a pregnancy in my 40s was too high a risk!

So I did what I do best.  I researched, calculated, googled and got it out of my system!  Most importantly, I thanked God that I was even having this "problem" and placed all my worries and concerns in His mighty and all knowing hands!!!

"For I know the plans I have for you," Says the Lord.  "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11 (NLT)

Babysitting the nephews!

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What Happens After "I Do"?

(Our honeymoon on an island resort just off the coast of Samana, Dominican Republic)

I could write a book or better yet start another blog on the difficulties my new husband and I had when we began living together.  Our relationship wasn't perfect when we were dating and marriage only amplified the problems in our relationship.  As the bible says, marriage is meant to purify you and make you more Christ like. 

"In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands [respect].  Then even if some refuse to obey the Word [the Bible], your godly lives will speak to them without any words.  They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives. In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives.  Treat your wife with understanding as you live together.  She may be weather than you are, but she is your equal partner in God's gift of new life [conversion].  Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered." 1Peter 3:1,2, & 7 

Our pride, anger, disrespect and miscommunication brought us great pain in the first three months.  As we settled into our apartment and ran our first errands, we would hear sermons on marriage over and over trying to bring some light and peace to our union.  We listend to Pastor Eduardo Saladin's series on marriage http://ibsj.org/recursos/predicacion/mensajes/serie/como-luce-el-amor.html and Pastor Mark Driscol's series/book on marriage that came out around the same time http://marshill.com/media/real-marriage.  

Even with all these blessings of advice, solid biblical preaching and information; we still needed the following of our local pastor and sessions with my mother-in-law and several family members.  We also finished reading all the books on marriage that we began to read during our engagement: 

The only peace I had at times was knowing that my husband loved me and most importantly: that God himself had destined him to be my husband! For over twenty years we lived an ocean apart and I didn't meet him until years after I moved into the same city.  It wasn't a conscience that my ex boyfriend introduced us or that my husband's baby sister was best friends at that time with my cousin.  The Lord worked in my heart preparing and strengthening me to enter a chaotic dating relationship with him; and it was our faith and love of Jesus that preserved our relationship up to now!

Talking to open older couples with solid marriages and other newlyweds like us helped us realize that we are normal!  Marriage is just a lot of work and you must wake up every morning determined to do your part, hold your tongue and pray for your spouse!  

The song "God Gave Me You," by Blake Shelton gave me great comfort and hope too! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCf2PoTuh4Q 

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The Proposal

My control freak and ever ready planning tendencies almost ruined another milestone blessing in my life when I sensed that my then boyfriend was getting ready to pop the question:

He proposed to me after only six months at the suggestion of my grandmother at my family reunion in Florida.  He involved my entire family in the process and had them record the entire process from different angles.  

That morning I heard on the news that statistics say that the majority of couples get engaged in December, so I made sure to paint a fresh coat of nail polish and look my best at all times.  My four siblings and I snooped as he asked my parents for my hand in marriage days earlier by the pool and I caught him whispering with family members all through out the week.  

On Christmas Eve he and my grandmother accompanied me to BJ's Wholesale to buy the ingredients for that night's celebration.  As always I was stressing and a bit overwhelmed.  He accompanied my grandmother in the jewelry section while I raced up and down the 50 aisles.  At one moment when I went to check up on them he called me over to look at some rings.  Alarm bells went off and I made it clear that I didn't want to know what my ring might look like or know when the moment would come.  He countered that he just wanted to see my taste and my grandmother literally began to pinch my ribs several times enticing me to select one.  To add a little holiday humor to the mix, the sales person could have passed off as Mrs. Kringle twinkly humor and all.  She would make several comments on how she never had seen a girl resist a ring from a boy so much in her life.  I was blocked but allowed my man to guide me through it and settled on a unique bridge ring that was WAY more elaborate than I had planned yet still had the elegant antique feel that I've always desired.  

Knowing me well and wanting to out whit me, he proposed two hours before he was to hop on a plane back home in Miami (one hour away from where I lived)!  He said that he was going to run a last minute errand with my father before the flight.  The doorbell rang and my sisters informed me that there was a package for me in my room upstairs.  Once in the room the door was closed behind me and I saw an envelope with his handwriting on the outside.  It had a symbol of a rose on the outside and the card told me to count to 30 remembering our roller-coaster of a relationship.  Of corse I couldn't wait and rushed out the door to find that a path of rose petals had magically appeared!!!

I followed the beautiful path and even caught a glimpse of my brother scattering them outside towards  the canal in the back of my house!  The path lead me to an inflatable boat that he and I had searched five stores for, I believing that I was meant for his cousin!  Inside the boat I recovered another envelope with a tiny boat drawn on it.  The card said some beautiful things and that I was to row to my destiny.

That was NOT going to happen!!!! First, it was illegal to go into that canal. Second, the canal was four feet steep from the ledge, and last, it was freezing!!!  So I hoped into my Prius with my youngest sister recording the entire time and drove around till I saw my other sisters car in front of the communities park.  

There was a giant Fedex (his nick name) box in front of the lake's fountain.  As I approached he popped out startling me!!! He handed me a bouquet of roses and red present.  Inside the present was another envelope with a ring drawn on the outside.  Inside, his love letter recapped our story and in the end asked for me to say the words he longed to hear.  He then dropped to one knee and asked for me to marry him.  I just kept on laughing and finally said YES!

We then picked up his luggages and drove to Miami and had emotional parting straight out of a movie! 

The Love of My Life

This is the LOVE of my life!  If you have read my previous entry you would have noted that we had a somewhat scary start.  Our relationship seemed to be star-crossed before it even began!  My rules and plans were thrown out the window the moment he stepped through the door to my heart and I let go trusting that God will guid us forward.  With every fiber of my being I believed that the Lord would transform that lost boy into a wise and gentle leader who would surpass me spiritually and guide our relationship.  I believe that my faith, his enormous heart and and our lack of doubt was the reason for how quickly the process unraveled!

The first thing I did before I accepted to be his girlfriend was place the condition that he had to ask my family's permission.  It was a risk to take with this notorious bad boy who refused to date a girl from church because of his lack of commitment; but it was the most important decision that I would make (that any serious girl should make) at the first bloom of our relationship.  If a guy knows that you are loved, valued and protected he will respect his commitment to you ten times more than if you were on your own.

I don't believe that we would have made it if we weren't under the caring and watchful eye of my family.   We were arguing all the time! Heavy phone calls, dramatic text messages and plenty of standoffs.  He had a hard time letting go of his past and assimilating to christian lifestyle.  I was inexperienced, impatient and naive to gently guiding a man. Our family held us together through the rough beginning until our love blossomed enough to face the storms on our own.

This man matured quickly and would be there through the diagnosis and treatment of my benign tumor, the deaths of the two people that I loved most in this world, my grandparents whom I lived with and tended to for years.  I had always prayed to the Lord that I would not be alone when that time came.  My grandparents had a great love & enormous faith in our Lord Jesus Christ. Their love was so exceptional that they died just a few months apart.

In a little less than two years we were married!  We both had the same luck.  He was carless at the same times that I would be.  We both went back to college that the same time, jobless at the same time and started our current employment at the same time (days after our wedding).  It was our God that blessed us so that we were able to strengthen our character and mature together!

Right now my husband is the industrial engineer, along side of a handful of doctors, handling this country's largest hospital receive American and international accreditation.  He works twelve minutes away from our apartment and we live three minutes away from our church!

This man is my best friend, my lover, my leader, my comfort, my guardian, my nutritionist, my psychologist, my inspiration, my everything!!!

                                                   

THE FOLLOWING IS MY LAST ENTRY INTO A VIRTUAL DIARY THAT I KEPT IN 2011

(when I was a naive & innocent girl in every sense of the word not knowing that the choice I was going to make would change my life forever)  

I have always believed that a kiss is extremely special and should not be given away so easily.  This weekend helped me understand that in a way more profoundly than I ever felt before.

      So I met this guy.  I wasn't expecting it.  He's the perfect example of the "bad boy" with the heart of an angel.  Yet he barely met my "3 Requierments."  Yes he is a Christian, but he isn't faithful, He's barely a couple inches taller than me, and he doesn't have a job that combined with the previous two lost a bit of my respect.  But for the first time in my life the last two don't mean that much to me.  Yet his lifestyle is so wrong in so many ways and that scares me.

     Everyone, and I mean everyone, has told me to give him a chance.  That he is a really good guy, that not only does he have the looks, the body, but the family too.  He had been after me for months but I resisted and held firm to the rules that had protected me from heart brake. So when I finally did give him a chance, my walls went crashing down and KABOOM!!!   He set me and my world on fire!  I have never met someone who balanced yet mirrored/contrasted me so intensely!  I mean intense in every sense of the word!

    But everything is against us.  His past, his present, my future, my reputation.  With brutal humble honesty, declared how much he admired and desired me.  How he would never dare or risk hurting me.  I had to make him stop! His charm, honesty, and sensuality were too much!  Then he warned me how things weren't going to be easy or smooth with him, but that he desperately wanted to make things work out.

    Our attraction is so potent and at times overwhelming.  But I refuse to make the same mistakes that I have in the past and cross the boundries that the Lord has set for me.  He says that he wants to change and commit, but in his case its not going to be an easy road for there's soooo much he has to sacrifice.  Even though he is honestly desires to change, he isn't doing much to even try.

    So to be with him I will have to sacrifice some of my core principles and even though I'm tempted, I refuse to do so.  I will have to walk away from the man that I have waited so long for.  He is attentive, he caresses you with compliments, he's observant, surprisingly smart, I could go on.

    I also feel as if the Lord has sent this ideal man with mayor flaws.  I have devised a plan that might give us a chance.  It will give us the opportunity to bond and grow and it just might be the answer that were looking for.  Only God knows.

Our Weddings

We were blessed enough to have two weddings!

Since everyone that I grew up with couldn't make it to the Dominican Republic for my Christian wedding, we all decided to have a small court house wedding and cocktail reception at my family's home.  It was totally last minute, with only two days to get organized but in some ways I enjoyed it more than my large formal wedding.  

The spontaneous and relaxed atmosphere allowed us to let go and soak in that we were actually getting married!  We filled out our paperwork straight from the airport then ordered a simple and elegant cake that night from our local grocery store.  The next day I bought a cute white dress and lace hose.  The morning of, we bought the food and flowers and prepared the appetizers.  

My fiance's aunt and uncle flew in from Washington D.C. and friends from all over Florida drove down or up!  Everyone arrived at different intervals adding to the excitement and my father was even late because he had an emergency at work!  

We had a blast taking a thousand goofy and formal portraits. After signing the official certificates we went to a makeshift "chapel" in  one of the court house's office space where we had a tiny ceremony.  My best friend had gotten married there six months earlier and it was bare; but since our wedding was right after valentines a few couples had left behind some festive decorations.

We had a huge crowd by then and left in a hurry never noticing that we left behind our passports and IDs.  They eventually were found and returned to us, but not after we had already gone down to Miami to renew them and paid twice to change our returning flights.

My Christian wedding was planned in just two months.  The deaths of my grandparents had postponed almost all of my planning the year before but at least I had my dress.  With a rushed wedding and not so established budget we had to cut corners.  My then fiancé was just as stubborn as I in wanting the big wedding feel with all the bells and whistles even if it was on a small budget.  That caused for many things to go wrong but made it even more memorable!!!

The one thing that didn't go wrong was the only thing that I had completely let go of, not worrying about and trusting with all of my heart that God would secure for me that it didn't rain that day. But besides that the following occurred:

My mother-in-law (who was one of the only two women who bent over backwards to help this wedding come together) called me first thing in the morning to inform me of how things were already beginning to fall apart!  Everyone was locked out of venue, the groom lost the rings, no one showed up for portraits, electricity went out all day in venue, the air conditioners NEVER worked in ballroom, the DJ put a hip hop song for flower girl instead of Enya, the horse pulled the carriage in the wrong direction and we almost fell, the maid of honor fell, there was a surprise wedding singer which was horribly painful, the flower girl caused a scene, the bridesmaids were helpless and one had a melt down, the father of the bride was heavily medicated, the music was cut off often, the intricately selected song list was never played, reception ran out of food, drunk waiters, I had a mayor meltdown before the ceremony, uninvited quests, wedding delayed over an hour, the schedule was thrown out of the window, my wedding organizer arrived in a metallic skirt with large black sweater and blue backpack which describes her state of mind! We never got to practice our dance, Fireworks went off too early, they stole my groom's tie while we were dancing, we didn't get to try the cake and barely ate. We didn't get to cut the cake, my makeup got locked away.  They misplaced my car keys, my new husband's car wouldn't start for over 20 minutes, and he forgot his wallet at home. They sent us to the wrong hotel room that wasn't decorated. 

We laughed the entire ceremony realizing that things were bound to go wrong but at the same time it meant little to us because for that special day he was a groom and I was his bride!  Still, that didn't stop us from asking each other if we wanted to leave our own wedding several times through out the reception!  We made the best of things and the fact that we were sweating out of our cloths only made us nostalgic of the dances when we were children and not care that we looked like a mess!

It was God's will that everything would fall apart and we learned a few good lessons that I can pass on to all of you who are thinking of getting married in the future: Let go of your pride, confide everything in God's hands, don't worry about the little things because in the end the things you thought that really mattered may not impact you the way you might have thought, enjoy every moment before it passes!

^"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Philippians 4: 6,7