The Next BIG Question

My husband and I with our nephew

When I got back from our honeymoon I expected people to ask us about our trip and how it felt to be married; I even expect them to share a few sentimental memories of our wedding.  What I didn't expect was to be bombarded with questions about when we were planning to look for a "little one."  These questions shocked and  overwhelmed me as I struggled just to  adjust to married life!  Sharing a life, schedule and apartment with someone, no matter how well you know each other can be a huge adjustment; as it was for me.  Lots of arguments over bathroom habits, frustration over miscommunication, and adapting to planning your life around someone else. It takes time, patience, love and dedication to conquer these marriage growth pains.   

Another thing that I didn't expect was that after spending every free moment I had planning an intricate wedding then detailing and constructing our first home; that I would feel a tremendous emptiness when all was left and done! Sure there were wedding videos to edit, albums to be made, and details of the apartment to be perfected; not to mention enjoying falling asleep and waking up in my best friend's arms! Yet I wasn't used to this sudden calm and peace of the blessing of living a normal newlywed life!  

My mind was accustomed to a strict routine of planning my life and events; so naturally I fell into the trap of wondering when it was that we would plan to procreate!  Luckily, (before I scared my new husband with crazy baby talk) I realized fast enough that I needed to enjoy each stage in my life and make the most of our newly-wed stage before the burden and responsibilities of children would undoubtedly arise! That new determination didn't stop the swarms of people who continued to ask the baby question, but it did give me a greater peace.  

I was fine for a little while until they came at me from a different direction!  After informing these curious minds that my husband and I were focusing on making the most of our marriage for the time being, they became even more concerned and reminded me that I was well into my late twenties.  They pressured me by stating that we should then consider only having one or two children at the most because a pregnancy in my 40s was too high a risk!

So I did what I do best.  I researched, calculated, googled and got it out of my system!  Most importantly, I thanked God that I was even having this "problem" and placed all my worries and concerns in His mighty and all knowing hands!!!

"For I know the plans I have for you," Says the Lord.  "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11 (NLT)

Babysitting the nephews!

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What Happens After "I Do"?

(Our honeymoon on an island resort just off the coast of Samana, Dominican Republic)

I could write a book or better yet start another blog on the difficulties my new husband and I had when we began living together.  Our relationship wasn't perfect when we were dating and marriage only amplified the problems in our relationship.  As the bible says, marriage is meant to purify you and make you more Christ like. 

"In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands [respect].  Then even if some refuse to obey the Word [the Bible], your godly lives will speak to them without any words.  They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives. In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives.  Treat your wife with understanding as you live together.  She may be weather than you are, but she is your equal partner in God's gift of new life [conversion].  Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered." 1Peter 3:1,2, & 7 

Our pride, anger, disrespect and miscommunication brought us great pain in the first three months.  As we settled into our apartment and ran our first errands, we would hear sermons on marriage over and over trying to bring some light and peace to our union.  We listend to Pastor Eduardo Saladin's series on marriage http://ibsj.org/recursos/predicacion/mensajes/serie/como-luce-el-amor.html and Pastor Mark Driscol's series/book on marriage that came out around the same time http://marshill.com/media/real-marriage.  

Even with all these blessings of advice, solid biblical preaching and information; we still needed the following of our local pastor and sessions with my mother-in-law and several family members.  We also finished reading all the books on marriage that we began to read during our engagement: 

The only peace I had at times was knowing that my husband loved me and most importantly: that God himself had destined him to be my husband! For over twenty years we lived an ocean apart and I didn't meet him until years after I moved into the same city.  It wasn't a conscience that my ex boyfriend introduced us or that my husband's baby sister was best friends at that time with my cousin.  The Lord worked in my heart preparing and strengthening me to enter a chaotic dating relationship with him; and it was our faith and love of Jesus that preserved our relationship up to now!

Talking to open older couples with solid marriages and other newlyweds like us helped us realize that we are normal!  Marriage is just a lot of work and you must wake up every morning determined to do your part, hold your tongue and pray for your spouse!  

The song "God Gave Me You," by Blake Shelton gave me great comfort and hope too! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCf2PoTuh4Q 

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